Beyond "Attaboy!"
Building Stronger Relationships with Young Athletes Through Coaching
As coaches and parents, we wear many hats: motivators, mentors, even cheerleaders. But sometimes, the urge to instruct, praise, or fix mistakes can get in the way of building truly meaningful relationships with our young athletes. As mindful coaches and parents we can help athletes by shifting our approach from instructing to inquiring - fostering a culture of teamwork and empowerment where our athletes can truly excel and grow.
From Experts to Guides:
Often, we view ourselves as the fountain of knowledge, dispensing advice and solutions from on high. But as Dr. Michael Bungay Stanier, author of The Coaching Habit, reminds us, true coaching lies in asking powerful questions that unlock the potential within each athlete. While Stanier’s book was directed at leadership coaching in the corporate world - there are many of relevant concepts applicable to sport and performance.
Instead of dictating plays, ask, "What are you seeing out there?" Instead of offering unsolicited feedback, ask, "What do you think went well?" Even though you may know the answers, by shifting the power dynamic, we empower athletes to become active participants in their own learning and development. You’re teaching them to think, be mindful and to grow. Your allowing them to learn how to problem solve, and to be the drivers rather than passangers in their lives - something all of us value.
The Magic of Seven:
There are seven powerful coaching questions available, each meticulously designed to unlock valuable insights, ignite motivation, and drive impactful actions that I am eager to share with you. I highly recommend incorporating these thought-provoking questions into your coaching practice. Whether you are a coach seeking growth or a parent guiding your athlete, these questions can be instrumental in fostering effective development (adapted from the Coaching Habit)
The Kickstart Question: "What's on your mind?" – Initiating open and honest dialogue is a crucial first step in fostering genuine connections and building trust among individuals. By encouraging transparent communication, we create a safe space for meaningful discussions that can lead to deeper understanding and stronger relationships.
The AWE Question: "And what else?" – Encouraging deeper exploration and reflection is essential for personal growth and development. Taking the time to delve into different perspectives and engage in introspection can lead to profound insights and a better understanding of oneself and the world around us. By embracing a mindset of curiosity and openness, one can uncover new possibilities and cultivate a richer inner life.
The Foundation Question: "What do you want?" – Clarifying goals and desired outcomes is an essential first step in any endeavor, serving as a guiding light to steer actions and decisions towards success. By clearly defining what needs to be achieved and the results that are expected, individuals and teams can stay focused and aligned, ensuring that their efforts are purposeful and effective. This process not only facilitates better planning and resource allocation but also boosts motivation and accountability, driving progress in the right direction.
The Lazy Question: "How can I help?" – Shifting responsibility and fostering self-reliance go hand in hand when it comes to personal growth and development. Encouraging individuals to take ownership of their actions and decisions provides them with the autonomy and confidence needed to navigate life's challenges effectively. By promoting self-reliance, one can empower others to cultivate a sense of independence and resilience in pursuing their goals and aspirations.
The Strategic Question: "What was most useful?" – Promoting continuous learning and constructive feedback loops are key principles at the core of our ethos. This approach not only fosters growth and improvement but also cultivates a culture of adaptability and innovation within our organization.
The Golden Question: "What if…?" – Sparking creativity and exploring possibilities is not only invigorating but also essential for growth and innovation. Embracing different perspectives, experimenting with new ideas, and pushing boundaries can lead to breakthroughs and unexpected opportunities. It's the willingness to think outside the box and the openness to change that propel individuals and organizations toward success and fulfillment.
The Focus Question: "What's one thing you can do?" – Switching gears from deep contemplation to decisive implementation, the transition is made smoother, propelling progress towards tangible outcomes in the journey from reflection to action.
Putting It into Practice:
Imagine a young athlete struggling with a new technique or concpet. Instead of jumping in with corrections, offering solutions or attempting to fix it - try:
For a smooth transition, initiate by asking, "What are you finding challenging about this move?" This kickstarts a productive conversation. Encourage active listening as they elaborate on their frustrations. Follow up with, "And what else have you tried?" to understand their previous attempts. Clarify goals with, "What would you like to achieve with this technique?" to lay a strong foundation for success. Lastly, empower them by asking, "How can I help you get there?" to foster a sense of ownership and proactive problem-solving.
The goal is not to provide all the answers, but to guide them on their own journey of discovery.
Beyond the Court/Field/Pool/Arena etc.
Many athletes benefit from utilizing empowering questions, which are valuable not only in sports but also in various other contexts like home and school environments. Effective communication through meaningful dialogue plays a crucial role in establishing trust, mutual respect, and collaboration with young individuals. Rather than focusing on "fixing" issues, our aim should be to cultivate a nurturing atmosphere that encourages personal growth, self-discovery, and the development of their true potential.
